Woman confesses how her husband fell for her ‘daughter’

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Read this  painful story of Mercy Igoki confessing  how her husband was snatched by her own
daughter.



Read
it and see how the world can  be cruel.

My
name is Mercy Igoki and I am 48 years old. I am a teacher by choice, training
and practice. Am currently the senior assistant registrar at Pan Africa
Christian University. Although my story for the past 10 years started out as
one of heartache, I can honestly say it has been a lesson in the school that is
life. In that school, I have not only seen God’s mercies, but also experienced
healing of my physical bones and learnt the power of forgiveness.  

I have also learnt the true meaning of love and
friendship as evidenced by those who have supported me in the face of my
struggles and when my marriage disintegrated. As I recount the circumstances
under which my marriage split up, it is my wish that it will inspire someone to
start their own journey to forgiveness and restoration as opposed to
bitterness, anger and death.

I have two boys. My first-born is 23 years and a law graduate,
while my second-born is 20 years old and a medical student at the University of
Nairobi. In 2006 while working as a teacher and counsellor in a local high
school, I met an orphan – a girl – living in a children’s home and I took a
liking to her. I love my sons deeply but I had always wanted a girl to complete
my brood. This was my chance to make up for it and I sat down with my husband
and children and enquired from them whether we could take her in as one of our
own. They said yes.
From the first day, we seemed to bond perfectly. She was 16
years old – three years older than my eldest child – and her name, just like
those of my boys, started with the letter ‘M’. Additionally, we bonded easily
over studies because being a teacher, I could not imagine any of my children
faltering in their education. Many times as we cooked in the kitchen, we would
talk emotionally over how I would give her away to her new family on her
wedding day just as her biological mother would. Our new family was thriving.
Shortly after taking her in, I resigned from my job as a
teacher. The previous year, I had suffered multiple fractures from a near-fatal
accident and I needed time to recuperate. I was still walking on crutches and
found it challenging to keep up with the pace of my previous life.
Instead of resting on my laurels, I enrolled for an
undergraduate degree in education at the Kenya Methodist University in Meru. I
would be away from home sometimes up to three weeks or longer at a time because
of my studies.
It was while travelling back from one of these trips in 2008,
just after my daughter had finished high school, that I received a phone call
from one of my neighbours. We were not particularly close but when she asked me
about the girl I was living with, I casually replied to her that she was my
daughter. She prodded further and I told her she was my adopted daughter.
Her reaction was one of surprise because  at that point she
revealed, and I quote: “Just know that girl you are living with is not your
daughter but your-co wife.”
I was shocked. I never would have suspected anything underhand
between my husband and my daughter. I decided to investigate and true to my
neighbour’s warning, I discovered clandestine correspondence between them.
In anger, I confronted them and to my shock, my husband blamed
me for the affair saying I had brought the girl to him. I demanded that the
girl move out of my house. Shoving me, he replied that I could kick her out of
the house but never out of his heart.
While the bitterness I had against them and the hurt I felt in
my heart has thawed, I would be lying if I said I was strong about it when it
was happening. Up to this day I have never understood the level of pain I felt.
I never imagined, as a Christian couple who had preached for 17 years, grown
together in salvation having met in the high school Christian Union where my
husband had been the chairman, this would be the hurdle we would have to cross,
moreover due to the actions of someone I considered not only a child, but my
child and student as well.
Months went on and as we tried to talk, things got worse. We
were playing the blame game, the girl would often call and abuse me and the
confrontation would often escalate to violence. The children were aware of what
was happening but were too stunned to speak. This went on until 2010.
In the midst of fighting for my marriage, a church hired me as
the training coordinator on matters church membership, dedication, baptism and
general training During the final interview, the senior pastor asked if there
was anything I wanted to share. As Christians, there is always pressure to look
perfect especially to fellow Christians. For a long time, I had been ‘too
Christian’ to have problems and had kept quiet about my tribulations. I shared
with the senior pastor that my marriage was on the verge of breaking down and
if God did not intervene, then I would surely lose it. Still, they hired me.
My pastor was not judgmental. He assured me that they had hired
me and not my marriage. On October 15, 2010, I signed my contract. A month and
a half later, my husband invited our children for dinner. When the children
came back home, they informed me their father had said he was never coming back
to me. I felt so disrespected. How do you send my children to tell me that our
marriage is over?
Months went by and in April the following year, he came back
home saying he was willing to work things out. I agreed but on condition that I
was to be the one and only wife. He said that was not an option. I was willing
to fight for my husband with another woman, but not with my daughter and at
that point he left and in turn, I moved out of our house.
When the finality of our marriage dawned on me, I became angry
and depressed. My world stood still for a moment. I had remained quiet for a
long time hoping things would change. How would I present this to the public,
family, my students and the church, especially my fellow Christians? I was
afraid of being judged. Here I was counselling married couples, teaching
teenagers how true love waits yet love was not waiting in my own house.
The next three months were the most painful months of my life. I
was angry with God and I knew I had a decision to make. To forgive them or die
and if I died, I decided I was not going to die alone. Without God, it is easy to
take the latter route. Mercifully, I had a lot of support. I belonged to a
fellowship in my church called Sister Wednesday and they stood with me through
the physical and emotional pain and healing. My long time friends and pastors
in my church also stood with me. So I took the easier route, forgiveness.
On June 5, 2011, I went to the Arboretum gardens in Nairobi at
8am with the sole resolve that I would not leave until I had made peace with my
decision to forgive my husband and daughter. I ended up crying the whole day
but by the time I was leaving at 5pm, I felt the burden lift and I even managed
to sneak in a cat nap.
That was the beginning of my freedom. I started looking at life
differently, speaking positively and even remembered the fun times in my
marriage! By July 2012, I had made the decision to pray for my husband not to
come back to me, but because he was God’s creation and my children’s father, a
role he upheld by providing everything they needed financially.
In 2013, he insisted that the children stop living with me and
get their own place. Without ill feelings, I agreed. Thankfully, our first-born
had already joined campus and the second-born was in boarding school. However,
whenever they were home, I visited as often as I could.
On April 22, 2015, I was served with divorce papers. I started
following up on our shared properties but it was too late as most of them were
held under my husband’s name and had already been sold. An attempt to reclaim
the properties made me realise I was going to spend so much money and emotional
energy, which I needed as I am currently undertaking my PhD studies in
management and leadership. I let it go.
As I talk to people now, it is with a lot of understanding. I
tell couples while trust is good, do not put people on pedestals. Share
property ownership in full because as a couple, you support each other
regardless of who chipped in the most.
Spare your children the pain of your drama. When my marriage was
breaking, my children were traumatised to the point of silence. As for my
sisters, I would urge them to pursue education. I honestly do not know where I
would be today if I could not support myself. After everything is said and
done, I still honour and love marriage; it is a good thing ordained by God
Credit: Parents Magazine.

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